Saturday, 9 January 2010

Let's flood the house a bit!

Ok, so my bath is still blocked up, and we all know that a blocked bath is no fun at all, and graspees are very clean and wholesome creatures who need regular baths.

I therefore thought I'd "set about" the bath today.

To start with, my idea was to undo the stainless steel grille type thing where you place the plug, since it has a screw in the middle of it. My plan was to take it out so i could poke large things down the drain repeatedly, doing gratifying sexual violence to the pipe. No, I wasn't really going to use my penis.

Anyway, the bath was almost full because yesterday I had the idea that maybe there was some ice somewhere in the pipe and I'd melt it with hot water, but the bath stayed blocked and full to the top with water.

I rolled up my shirt sleeves and got in there with my leatherman and turned the screw type thing anti-clockwise. Suddenly the water started to drain away! What magic is this? What cunning mechanism have I activated? Is a door about to open and reveal to me the wonders of a long-dead but technically advanced civilisation?

Now there is some sort of water splashing sound. From downstairs.


I rush downstairs and take a look. Far from the slight drip that I expected, there was a waterfall coming out of the ceiling and down the light fitting. The water wasn't going down the drain at all- it was spilling out into the ceiling.

I rushed back upstairs and turned the screw the other way. After a bit the water stopped falling. Even a graspee can understand the basic mechanism here.

So. The carpet is soaking and squelchy to walk on in the room downstairs. There's puddles in the kitchen and a whole load of old photographs I only have one copy of and which I got out to look at only just last night were directly under the waterfall and got completely soaked.

I therefore took all the pictures and placed them individually propped up against the walls on the landing and up and down the stairs so they can dry out. Some of them are badly stained but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not as bothered about it as I thought I would be really.

Outside was still useless, graspee-blocking snow and ice. I took some table salt, which, being on the table and open was POTENTIALLY CONTAMINATED and threw it all over the ice outside my front door. There was a wonderful symphony of cracking noises. Truly salt is space dust for the winter pavement. There was no long lasting effect though and the snow and ice remains where I threw the salt. Maybe you need a larger amount.

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