Sunday, 25 September 2011

A Mugging / Rude Man in Restaurant / Carrot Top TV Tasks

A Mugging

I was a student and I was walking home late at night from somewhere when I met a fellow student walking in the opposite direction. He was wearing one of those "open face" balaclavas. It suddenly became apparent that he meant to mug me! He started to go through all my stuff, throwing it unceremoniously on the floor. He couldn't find any money because I didn't have any, but he did take my bank card.

Somehow I managed to turn the tables on the fellow and I grabbed him by the throat. I demanded he return my bank card, but instead he kept giving me playing cards.

A small boy who had run to get the principal (my dreams are obviously tailored to the American market nowadays) suddenly appeared, with her in tow. The mugger had vanished by now.

I tried to get the principal to do something about the mugger but she refused, saying he was just a petty criminal. I went into speech mode and said something like:

"A criminal yes, dot dot dot or even colon. Note the word criminal here, as in against the law, and the law exists for one purpose and that is to protect ME!"

I mention how I think it was an opportunistic rather than planned crime since the criminal only had five pounds himself, and happened to meet me, and needed some cash for something, so pounced.

She, unconvinced by this first class rhetoric still refuses to look into the crime. I say "Oh, fuck off then!". I'm confident that such rudeness will not lead her to expel me because she needs my tuition fees.

Rude Man in Restaurant

I was in a restaurant. There was a strange man standing in between the tables with a big grin on his face, making some frantic motion with his arm. "I'm wanking!" he said to me, and I looked, and he was. Suddenly he came and my hair was subject to sudden, unsolicited jizzification.

Well of course I was mightily annoyed! I took this fellow's hat and walked over to the sea, which was for some odd reason, nearby. Perhaps it was a beach-front restaurant? I tried to throw the hat into the sea with a cry of "For Justice!" but the throws kept being unimpressive and the hat kept returning. M&E were in a rubber dingy in the sea, watching me, so I felt I had to do the thing well.

Carrot Top Tv Tasks

I was in some sort of weird environment filled with mechs (Japanese robots basically). My friends S&I are there too. I try to dress up in a mech suit but I'm too fat and I can't fasten a certain buckle across my chest. I do stomp around a bit for the sake of comedy though.

We find out who is "managing" us. (It seems we are in some tv show or something). It's Carrot Top. (Who the FUCKABILLY is Carrot Top? He's an American comedian with red hair. I've never seen him but he was in an ep. of Family Guy). S and I (that's I referring to me, not "I" the friend's initial) think it's funny because I (Sigh, the friend this time) is known to really hate this particular celebrity.

Anyway this jolly Mr. Carrot Top has a big ring binder of Important Tasks for us to perform. We are all doing tasks together because we are "the boys"; "The Girls" have to do a task where they collect honey from bees. They have to dress up as bees with stainless steel buckets on their head as helmets (why?!) and are dangled down to the hive on strings.

Mr. Carrot Top is not quite as organized as his ring binder might lead one to believe though, since he's proceeding as if we are up to task 3.5 while really we are only just supposed to be starting 3.2, which is apparently fighting some weird cartoony sort of goblin monsters.

Bonus Dream!

I was walking down a busy city multi-lane road, AGAINST THE TRAFFIC! That's it. Sorry.

Friday, 23 September 2011

Computer Room / The Corpse and the Provost

Computer Room

I was in G169 (A large communal computer room at my old university. I was sitting at my PC but it seemed to have no monitor. I eventually tracked it down to the left of the person sitting to my left. I knew it was mine because it was running the Source SDK level editor "Hammer" (It's a map editor for game creation).

As I went to take the monitor though, some girl picked it up and started to walk off with it. How she managed to do this when it was plugged into my pc is just another "dream mystery". I didn't try to stop her, I just moaned about how I needed that.

I sat back in my chair, hands in my pockets, head buried glumly in the upturned collar of my wool coat. I noticed how it was light outside and thought it shouldn't be because it was 10:30pm. (Time distortion was common in this computer room. In my hardcore days, it was the late eighties and I used to play text-based multiplayer adventure games all night- so called "MUD"s. I remember looking at my watch once and seeing it was a certain time and not being able to work out if it was a.m. or p.m.)

The Corpse and the Provost

I got up and it was an amazing sunny day. I thought to myself "Wow, this is an historic day; You have to go out there and seize it or regret not doing so for the rest of time". It was a lovely day because we were having a so-called Indian Summer (which is predicted to be coming next Tuesday for five days).

I looked at the date in the dream but didn't really take it in. It was printed on the label of a bottle of Black Tower Wine.

There was a corpse in bed with me. It didn't feel weird or sick or disturbing in any way, it just felt slightly embarrassing or a tad seedy; Equivalent to not changing your pyjamas for two weeks or something. It was the second night I had this corpse in bed with me. I thought I had to report it now and I knew I'd have to say it had been two days and I wondered what I should say for why I didn't report it yesterday. I decided to go with more or less the truth, which was that I hadn't been sure the person was dead. There was no sense of who this person was or had been.

I was at university it seemed. I got up and walked over to see the Provost, who was a friend of mine. I started to have a conversation with him about "Such and such a thing is too little, but the opposite is too much" or something. He suggested we continue the conversation in the bar so we went there. Two girls who were with us decide the conversation is going to be boring so they decided to do a runner while the Provost is at the bar getting drinks and I'm with the girls at the table.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Ghost Communication

I was in communication with a ghost.

I was sitting in an ordinary house near a TV which was on, and a window I could see through on my right, looking onto the street.

I was asking the ghost questions by just speaking them out loud in a normal voice but trying to concentrate on the ghost to project my answer to them I suppose. The ghost would show me things on the TV by way of answer, or a voice on the tv would say things, or the ghost would cause pictures and words to manifest on a magical sheet of paper in front of me (Whooo, just like a kindle). Sometimes whole books would appear.

By a series of questions I was gradually able to piece together the story of the ghost. He or she (I think she) was a person who had had a task to perform. They had needed to stop a great evil. The evil was something like a government who were harshly putting down an uprising with extreme violence (I was reading about the Victorians doing this in India in a book yesterday). There had been a battle where they needed to create a party of five people to fight. The people had to be really skilled and all different "classes" like in a multiplayer game, e.g. healer, tank, dps (damage dealer) etc. They needed to be able to work really well together.

At the climax of the battle one person needed to somehow "vibrate" a launcher and shoot some special rockets, five of them at some structure to weaken it, and then another member of the team had to strike the finishing blow with a sword.

They had never managed to get the right group of people together to finish it.

I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a video game or real life because it kept sort of flicking between the two. It was always something the ghost wanted or needed to do though, and had never been able to. I felt sorry for her because it was like someone playing an MMORPG and wanting to do some epic quest but never finding a party to do it.

Near the end I was writing instructions the ghost was giving me for beating the video game in pencil in the margin of the game manual. I was thinking I should maybe ask the ghost to manifest a carrier bag filled with all the books and drawings she'd showed me so far and the game itself so I'd have a souvenir of this incredible time

At the very end though, all I said was: "Is there anything else I can do for you?". I immediately chastised myself for sounding like a call centre worker; A ghost deserves classier handling, I thought. The ghost made the video game appear on the TV. I thought, "I wonder if she wants me to complete the game she never could?".

My sister must not have been impressed with all this ghostly stuff because she was supposed to be giving me a lift back home in her car, but she got tired of waiting with me so she took my stuff out of her car and drove home on her own.

At one point while I was talking to the ghost I got my camera to take a picture of an aeroplane outside which was towing a big banner. I then worried that the ghost would get confused, thinking I was trying to tell it something with that photo.

My mother and brother were there with me. I told them how a similar ghost experience had happened to me before and I was confident now that there was life after death which was reassuring.

X-man /

I was an x-man for real! The dream even included two false awakenings so I was completely convinced it was real and not a dream.

My powers mostly all basically involved producing things from my fingertips. I did this by saying an activation word, e.g. "Fire!" or "Water!" etc. The main one was fire. It was only quite weak fire- not like a flamethrower or anything, but it did melt my fingernails. I also could produce water. Another thing I could produce were living plants from my fingertips. I also had telekinesis. In fact I wanted to film my abilities on my ipod and send it to Ricky Gervais since they he mentioned on his radio show years ago that they wanted someone with telekinetic powers to write in.

First of all I was showing my friend "I" my powers. I showed him I had nothing on my hand or under my nails then I did fire from my right hand at his bowed head. At first he just felt warm air, then his stubble caught fire and he was moderately impressed although people in general, for example my mother and others were not as falling down with amazement as I felt they should be.

I met my old girlfriend T. and she was with someone else now and very drunk. I started having a go at her saying "Ha! You should have stayed with me because our child would have a chance to have super powers". She was just rude back and started saying things like: "So you've broken 14 bones then, was that just turning over in the night or something?" and I said "Are you just trying to be offensive?". She went away. I said "Well she's gone all fat anyway", which she had, but as I said it I was actually looking at an old woman who was very fat, and not T. who had long since departed.

Then there was a scene in a cafe. I was demonstrating my ability to lift objects with telekinesis. I managed to make a cup and saucer lift a few inches off a table and keep it hovering, uncertainly in the air for a short while. I couldn't lift it any higher but I said at least I have a power, I mean it's proof that weird stuff exists. I also do small fire effects and a new one, producing plants from my fingertips! They started out as small, stringy tendrils coming out of my fingers but grew and swelled into massive thick stalks coming out from me which even had faces in them.

A small boy, fascinated, grabs my arm as I'm doing tricks but I tell him not to, warning him that he could get cancer or something for all I know, touching the source of that power.

I also try out lasers from my fingertips but stop because there's lots of reflective surfaces about.

A woman is leaving the cafe. She complains of being tired, so I point my fingers at her back and say "Awake! Energy!" or something similar and suddenly she perks up and has a spring in her step. Another woman in the cafe criticises me though, saying that the woman will crash and burn later after staying up for too long with the energy I've given her. (I recently stayed up too long myself and got over tired with bad results).

Outside everyone was stuck in a traffic jam. I was in a car.

Some punks were doing something bad to me or someone. I dunno, any excuse, so I flamed them up a bit with my fire ability until they were screaming and burning, sitting in their open-topped car. Fun for all the family. I am a merciful god though, so I produced water from my fingers to put them out before they died.

There were a load of people by the side of the road who were all kind of bunched up against the wall. One was spitting on me or pissing on me or dropping something on me. I put my hands together with my fingers all splayed out and my thumbs touching then pulled them slowly about six inches apart saying "barrier!" and a small plastic tray appeared. It was transparent and had writing on it. I say that my powers may not be that big or impressive, but that just a small amount of energy and used intelligently and look what you can do.

I then found out that the tray was actually some sunglasses and were kind of UV light backlit so a bit more energy went into the creation than I thought. I put the glasses on and walk around, ashamed inside and saying to people "I know, I know" apologetically.

It was a great feeling to have all these powers though, and I had been walking round shouting "I'm an x-man! A fucking real life x-man!" From this point on it seemed that people feared my powers and shunned me as different. Maybe they just wanted me to STFU and were jealous though, who knows?

I was walking along minding my own business, carrying an old typewriter in a bag with handles when I met some old men who also had an old typewriter in a bag. But these old man feared and despised me! As I was admiring their old typewriter they zipped up my carrying handle in their bag and were preparing to walk off. Luckily though my fingertips had another power, the ability to cut string (Yeah super useful, eh?) I suppose it was a cutting beam of some kind. I couldn't cut the string in time even with my "super" string cutting power though, so I pointed my left hand fingers at the man and said "fire! ... maybe" and he, fearing for his face, let me extricate my bag handle and be on my way.

Next I had a meeting with other superheroes which was a welcome relief from the hatred of fear of the "normals". Daredevil was real and was there in addition to numerous others from x-men and so on. Suddenly the floor under the table where we were sitting started to bulge. I said "Who's coming to dinner?!" and a superhero who was actually totally a pink pig with black brindle markings on appeared from under the floor and then started chasing chickens about up and down the road outside.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Blog is now for dreams!

I haven't been using this blog lately, but I have been having a lot of weird dreams so I thought I'd start documenting them. I think it's because I haven't been sleeping well, so because I keep waking up, I remember my dreams.

It really makes you think what's going on your head normally though. I mean during those weeks or months, or even years for some people when they haven't been able to remember any dreams there will have been all these weird stories going on that they have missed. For some people it must be equivalent to not watching any TV from 1979 to 1989 or something.

Edit: Unlike my previous "blog refocus", where I was going to focus on moobie reviews, I have already posted some actual dreams!